Wednesday, December 8, 2010


I realize I have been quiet on here lately. To be honest, it's been a long week of struggling. I've been wrestling with more anger and frustration than normal...and I don't know what to do with those emotions. So, I felt the need to just be. To be quiet. To be still. To sort through it. To figure it out...and, I am still working on it. 

I believe that much of my frustration and anger have stemmed from this all too quickly approaching Christmas. Although we will be celebrating the birth of Christ and it should be joyful, I struggle with the fact that Aaron is not here, and he should be. Arriving this week with the Christmas presents that I have ordered for our nieces and nephews should be gifts for Aaron as well. Instead, his "urn" will be in that box...

I can't begin to explain how it feels to order an urn for your child. So many emotions flood me when as I think about it, but one word in particular stands out...wrong. It is just that, plain and simple. Wrong. 

In the middle of all that feels wrong and in the "emotional mess" of last week, I do want to share  one thing that, to me, was an encouragement, a blessing, a light...

Photo Credit
In the midst of my "ugly" week, something joyful happened. In our high school youth group the recent series of teachings have been on shining our light into the lives of others. Last week, someone did just that for me. 

Wednesday night I opened the front door to find one of our fellow high school youth group leaders standing there with a giant basket in her hands. She said "here, someone wanted me to give this to you. I can't tell you who it is". As I set the basket down and stood in amazement for a few more minutes, I opened the letter tucked inside. It said...
Dear Danielle- I know that this year has been especially difficult and so I wanted to bless you with something special.
Here you will find an Advent Basket. This is filled with little treats for you to open each day until Christmas. It is my hope and prayer that you are encouraged and rejuvenated by each little gift. They are each marked with a number...
I am purposely not telling who I am but wanting you to just enjoy being lifted up in prayer and encouragement. You will find out on Christmas Day who it is that is giving you these gifts. Please know that i am praying for you and for your heart each day as you move toward healing. I am also praying that God would meet you where you are and minister to you in ways that are unmistakably Him.
Praying for you today and with each gift.  

Who would do this for me? Who would put the time, energy, thoughtfulness and love into something like this for measly 'lil me? If you, "gift giver", are reading this, thank you. Thank you for shining a light into my life, during a very difficult season this year. The love, prayers and the basket are a true blessings that offer hope and encouragement through our first Holidays without Aaron. I can't begin to tell you the comfort it brings to know that he is being remembered...


  1. Thats such an amazing thing that person did for you :)
    im glad that it made you feel better, its nice to have someone shine some light into your life during hard times. In a way you've done that for me with the comments you make on my blogs :) so I'm happy for you.
    stay strong momma <3! and im praying for you every night :)

  2. Praying for you!! We are struggling, too... and I know what you mean by it just being "wrong"! I hope as you receive your Sweet Aaron's urn, it brings you comfort to have something beautiful to hold his earthly body in. I know you can't wait to be with him in Heaven one day!! He is there waiting for you with great expectation.

  3. I am so glad that the mystery person gave you that basket - it is so thoughtful and wonderful of them. I am happy that someone was able to give you some light. I wish that these struggles were not so horribly hard. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care.

  4. Thank you for sharing this story. What a wonderful gift to know others are thinking and praying for you in this impossible unspeakable time.

    Blessings to you.

  5. Danielle, it is so beautiful how you are being cared for! In these dark days leading up to Christmas, I know your heart is heavy. I know you experience anger and frustration: Aaron is not here with you. The world is most definitely not as it should be. All creation groans.

    Hoping you find peace and comfort, that this bit of light will illuminate your path.

    Much love...


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