Monday, November 1, 2010

A Week in Pictures...

I was a bit late in getting this post up from last week:


Reminders...
They are everywhere....
...Just when I need them.


Busy seems like an understatement of our life over the past couple weeks. Between work, youth group, church, reconnecting with friends and trying to figure out how to integrate our "new" selves into our "old" life, moments to breathe, reflect, remember and to just be have been scarce. The days have begun to travel by with the slightest essence and semblance of a routine; of a return to normal life. As life has been changing and grief has been changing, all I can say is thank goodness for the reminders.


Aaron is never far from my mind, but these reminders are there when I feel like I am forgetting his smell, the silkiness of his hair, his soft skin, the size of his tiny hands and feet, his beautiful face...him. Our son and what we have been through has changed me, forever. These things I now truly understand: Life is short. People are delicate. You can never get back lost time or moments. Life is fragile. Rarely do we get the opportunity for re-dos, do-overs or mulligans. Love while you can; it may be the only or last chance you get. Take in the details around you. Hold your spouse, children and family close. God is strong. God is loving. God is good. And, I am thankful that He has deeply and richly blessed me.


Throughout the past week, God has placed these glimpses of Aaron and reminders of his life in the midst of the bustle that I know as my daily routine. They are good; they are reminders of him and of milestones we joyfully celebrate, would rather forget, or will never get to experience. These glimpses are a welcome interruption and remind me of him and what is truly important in the midst of this busy life.


Monday...


Today would be his two month birthday. I believe that those of us who have lost little ones place more weight on these small markers of life as they are a constant reminder of what would have been. We always struggle with the question 'why?', but these seemingly insignificant dates bring up the whats? and woulds?. What would he look like now...chubby cheeks, rolls on his arms and legs? Would he be smiling, cooing, holding his head up?...


Homemade cupcakes just sounded good on Monday night, and since it would have been his two-month birthday...all the more reason to make them!


Tuesday...


We received a surprise call from Children's, saying that they had casts of his hands and feet ready to be picked up! We didn't even know they had done any! It was mentioned the night that he passed away, but with the whirlwind of events that evening, I just assumed it was never done and it fell off my radar. We have so few tangible things to remember Aaron by, that I was nothing short of thrilled to get this news and pick them up.


Wednesday...



On my way home from work, I stopped by Target to pick out a "Thinking of you" card for a friend. As I poked my way through the cards, the one above caught my attention. For some reason, dandelions blowing in the wind have always been one of my special reminders of Aaron...even long before he was born. I picked up the card and almost lost it in the store when I opened it up and saw the message inside. So perfect.



Thursday...


Today, we remember the day we said goodbye, two months ago. I don't necessarily like to remember the specific details of that night, but they are there and I do...all too vividly. Although they may mollify over time, I imagine that this date every month will bring up the very real, very raw emotions of losing him. This is now what we look at on our mantle. No urn yet; we can't seem to choose one. How do you pick an urn for your child...no matter how perfect, they all seem inappropriate.


Friday...


I remembered you, little one, as we volunteered at Flatirons' trunk or treat and saw each sweet, bundled up newbie with the cutest Halloween costumes on. I couldn't help but think of how perfect you'd be in the giraffe costume that I had pick out of the hand-me-downs from your cousins...the one that is now neatly folded and tucked away in your room...it was waiting for you.

Saturday...

Saturday, there is no picture, but it was the day with some of the greatest reminders and a welcome "interruption" in my week. For dinner, we had the privilege of  joining a wonderful couple from church who experienced the loss of their newborn daughter a little over a year ago. It was so special to spend time just exchanging stories, sharing memories and reminiscing about our little ones with others who can truthfully say "I completely understand"...I understand the loss, I understand the grief, I understand the heartbreak...been there, done that and still dealing with it. 




Sunday...


On another mother's blog I read this..."We may have had limited time to make memories WITH our babies, but we have limitless opportunities to make memories in HONOR of them."  That's all I need to write to explain the pumpkin.

4 comments:

  1. Beautiful, each photo, beautiful.

    I understand the urn... We selected a marble angel sitting on steps. None fit, I understand, but if you would like a photo and name of the maker, let me know.

    Thinking of you.

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  2. Beautiful pictures - and even more beautiful words! Praying for you as you move back to 'normal' life......so thankful for your week and all the reminders. The picture of Aaron's remains next to the Willow statue completely stopped me. Wow. And I love the cast by Children's. How precious is that!! Love you guys!

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  3. no words... just lots of love.

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  4. Beautiful pictures. I understand completely! You don't know me. I found your blog from butterfly mommies. I read your son's story and it is amazingly similar to my son's story. If you would like to talk, please email me at whitneyalbus@hotmail.com

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