Completely Random Ramblings

Today, once again, a weary and trying day of grief reared its ugly head. Because of this, there is no specific topic for this post today, and really, no words from me as they would most likely be filled with bitterness and anger. Since we were thrown into this journey, I have learned that emotions of grief ebb and flow like a tide, changing from minute to minute, hour to hour and day to day; tomorrow is a new day that will bring with it new emotions (hopefully more pleasant ones).

The thoughts, quotes and statements I have posted below are completely random. They are not mine. They are simply words from here and there that have helped me to survive today in one piece, minus a few tears. Whether words of encouragement, scripture from the Bible or something out of the blue that resonated with me, they all carried me through today...hour by hour, step by step. 

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Matt Hammitt (Bowensheart.com) tweeted this today:

"In Romans 5:1-5, Paul rejoices more in suffering than in hope. Strange as that may seem, he makes a case that's hard to argue. Hope doesn't produce suffering, suffering produces hope."

So Very True.

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I was looking for something to mark my place in a new book I've just started reading and I came across this "business card" in another book on my nightstand. I had completely forgotten I had it... 

"Aaron Matthew, you are INSCRIBED on the palm of his hand...Isaiah 49:16"

...I believe my mother in law passed it along to me, but honestly, in the whirlwind of the last few months, I have no idea who took the time and energy to make it. So, if you made this and are reading this blog...thank you. There are no words to describe the sense of peace, calm and comfort that blanketed me when I read this.

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From the book Holding onto Hope, a pathway through suffering to the heart of God, this passage speaks volumes to me: ( I would write the entire chapter if I could)...

"We might not say it, but in the back of our minds we somehow think that Job was so godly, he should have been spared from pain. But the truth is, often people who follow God suffer- not less but more. Have you ever noticed that people who suffer are marked with a beauty, a deepening, a transformation? This only occurs, however, when they enter the suffering and look around for God in the midst of it. Otherwise, they are marked with bitterness and emptiness.

'But,' you say, 'God does not willingly afflict his children.' That's true.

For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.     -Lamentations 3:31-33 (NIV)

What does this mean? No suffering for God's children? No.

It means no meaningless suffering. If God has allowed suffering into your life, it is for a purpose. A good purpose. A holy purpose. 

...Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat- I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you?  -Luke 9:23-25 (The Message)"

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From my current read, the book Comfort. A Journey Through Grief (by Ann Hood) about the loss of her young daughter:

"GRIEF IS NOT LINEAR. People kept telling me that once this happened or that passed, everything would be better. Some people gave me one year to grieve. They saw grief as a straight line, with a beginning, middle, and end. But it is not linear. It is disjointed. One day you are acting almost like a normal person. You maybe even manage to take a shower. Your clothes match. You think the autumn leaves look pretty, or enjoy the sound of snow crunching under your feet.

Then a song, a glimpse of something, or maybe even nothing sends you back into the hole of grief. It is not one step forward, two steps back. It is a jumble. It is hours that are all right, and weeks that aren't. Or it is good days and bad days. Or it is the weight of sadness making you look different to others and nothing helps. Not haircuts or manicures or the Atkins Diet."

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If you didn't realize it already, yes, I love to read and am a bit of a nerd. Written above are simply words that comfort my heart and ease the feeling of isolation that is an all too common companion in this unfamiliar world of grief.  I am thankful for those who have a way with words... particularly on days such as today when I don't have the energy or focus to meld together my own emotions, thoughts and words into something that actually makes sense. 

They're not my words, but they speak to me, and today, they speak for me.