A Glimpse

As I was doing some work around the house today, I was really struggling and desperately missing Aaron. Eventually, I decided to turn on the radio for some encouragement. God must have known that thoughts of Aaron and many other "heart babies" were so heavy on my heart because the first song that came on was "I Still Believe" by Jeremy Camp. Not only is this song encouraging and a reminder of our Father's faithfulness and grace in times of such despair, but it is one of the three songs we played at Aaron's memorial service. I've always loved this song, but never did I imagine that it would mean so much to me or describe so perfectly this particular point in my walk with God in which "even when I don't see, I still believe". As I am trying to sort out the questions of "why?" and "God, I don't understand", I still believe.  The lyrics hit so close to home right now:

Scattered words and empty thoughts

seem to pour from my heart

I've never felt so torn before

seems I don't know where to start

but it's now that I feel Your grace fall like rain

from every fingertip, washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness

I still believe in Your truth

I still believe in Your holy word

even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind

with promises I still seem to bear

even when answers slowly unwind

it's my heart I see You prepare

but it's now that I feel Your grace fall like rain

from every fingertip, washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness

I still believe in Your truth

I still believe in Your holy word

even when I don't see, I still believe

The only place I can go is into Your arms

where I throw to You my feeble prayers

in brokenness I can see that this was your will for me

Help me to know You are near

Hearing this song today also made me realize that I have not shared much about our family memorial service for Aaron. On Saturday, September 4th, we celebrated Aaron's life at a small, private family ceremony that was held at Chautauqua Park in Boulder. Again, we were blessed by so many wonderful individuals who donated their time and talent to make Aaron's celebration memorable and very special to us and our family. No parents should ever have to bury their child, and as much as I did not want to say goodbye to my son, it was a beautiful day and service as well as a wonderful way to honor Aaron's life. Here is a glimpse into that day:

Keepsake programs and scripture: Mark 10:13-16.

"These are My Footprints" and a note from Mommy and Daddy

Our sister Amy, Reverend Amy, graciously did Aaron's service for us and did an amazing job of honoring his life, demonstrating our family's love for our son and reminding us of God's promise that we will be together again someday.

Releasing balloons with hopes and dreams for our little guy

(Jennifer Severn, owner of Studio Two-Twenty photography, has a wonderful heart and volunteered her talent and time to photograph this special, but sad day for us. Ahlberg Funeral Chapel also truly went above and beyond to volunteer all support/services we needed to make Aaron's service very personal and memorable for us. As we have walked this path, God has truly blessed us with amazing people who have incredible hearts for serving others.)

To my Aaron Matthew, Happy one-month birthday baby boy. We love you and miss you more than you'll ever know little one.