Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Before the Morning

Sometimes I wonder how life is supposed to go on. It has only been a handful of days since Aaron was called home to be with our Father....the sobbing and tears still come daily, though less frequently, but we still miss our sweet baby boy constantly. There is such as large void in our lives, but the pain is now a pain of such an important piece missing in our everyday life...taking Aaron on long walks, singing to him, calming his crying, being up at all hours of the night feeding and cuddling him...these are the things I long for. It's amazing how badly you can miss something that you've never even done before.  I know that God's comfort and peace will fill this void over time and we will find joy in life again. I'm learning that it's okay to smile and laugh...a little...without feeling guilty and that over time this sorrow that is so fresh and raw will subside and when we think of Aaron, they will be joyful memories of our son who is now watching over us.

Dan and I heard something that struck a chord with us yesterday in the midst of a meltdown...it is just so true and fitting right now in this time of sorrow and grief, but really at any time in life...

"If we can trust God with our eternity, we've got to trust Him with our now."


This quote came from the story of another family who has been on the same journey with their son and was the inspiration for Josh Wilson's song "Before the Morning". (Link to song and interview is above)  The interview hit so close to home for us and we just sobbed as we watched it...from the diagnosis itself and numerous doctors offering to terminate our pregnancy, the story is so similar and the song so beautiful. What an awesome testimony to God's grace and love, although our stories have different endings. Had we listened to many of those doctors, we never would have had the joy of knowing our son or had those two precious days to love him. He is no longer suffering and God is now using him for greater things... we can rejoice in knowing that.
-Danielle

Posted by Danielle at 10:27 PM

6 comments:

  1. StefenieSeptember 1, 2010 at 6:46 AM

    Danielle,
    It is a good song and video on the family too. I also cried when I watched it.

    I know that you will find peace walking this path with God. I am sure it is so hard not getting to do all of the things you anticipated for nine months. Sadly those are some of the things that many take for granted when they have a baby.

    Praying for you daily! {{{HUG}}}

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  2. marenSeptember 1, 2010 at 9:03 AM

    thanks so much for sharing that... i'm still in tears as i write this, but i am also excited for the joy you guys will experience. aaron's story and your faith is an inspiration... we love you so much and are continually praying for you.

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  3. kirstenSeptember 1, 2010 at 11:18 AM

    I just discovered that song a couple of days ago, not having any idea that it was inspired by a family who had a baby with a CHD. Prayers are with you as you grieve your son and everything you anticipated. I am so, so sorry.

    {hugs}

    Kirsten
    (35 weeks pregnant with Ewan, who has Tetralogy of Fallot)

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  4. Avery TalesSeptember 1, 2010 at 2:37 PM

    Hi Danielle,
    We've never met and I just found your blog through another blog that I read. While I didn't have a heart baby, my husband and I lost our first child due to her premature birth at 24 weeks. She was with us for 7 days. From your words it sounds like you have embraced this crazy grief journey as much as you can. My counselor once told me that you can't put grief in a box, it's just not possible. It's been 4 years for us and we still have our moments. However, I can tell you that our Lord will see you through this. Take each day, each hour, each minute as they come. Cry when you need to and laugh when you want to. Your sweet Aaron wants you to be happy. Never feel crazy for talking to your baby, it's completely normal.

    You will be in my prayers. My hope is that you have His peace that surpasses all understanding.

    ~ Lurenda

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  5. ringtomindSeptember 2, 2010 at 8:18 AM

    Dan and Danielle,

    You have been touched by the hand of God.

    Your lives branded in a way only possible through Him and the miracle of birth and love.

    The mark tempered by the sorrow of losing a son. A sorrow the Father shares with you intimately.

    You are set aside by this touch, by this intimate encounter with the Holy One. You have been claimed from other principalities. Your witness stands as a reflection of His glory. Your inheritance is secure. His blessings are yours.

    We anticipate sharing with you the beautiful years ahead and continue to lift you up in this moment.

    Ben and Susan

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  6. AnonymousSeptember 30, 2010 at 6:55 AM

    Did Aaron pass away on August 27? Our son, Jake passed away the same day 5 years ago. I wish I had words that could ease your pain but I know that there are none. I am just so sorry and please know that you are not alone. Take care.

    ReplyDelete

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